第14部分 (第2/8页)

e　the　other

way。”

If　I'd　been　told　years　or　even　weeks　ago　that　I'd　e　down　the　chute　noosed　and　ready　to

hang；　I'd　have　made　some　kind　of　joke　about　it；　or

more　likely　I'd　have　said；　Yeah；　that's　nice；　now　can　you　spare　me　the　discussion？

But　after　everything　that　had　happened；　I　was　really　freaking　out；　and　I　couldn't　escape　the

questions　tidal…waving　my　brain。　Where　would　I　be　if

things　had　been　different？　What　would　they　have　done　with　me？　From　the　way　my　dad　was

talking；　he　wouldn't　have　had　much　use　for　me；　that's　for

sure。　He'd　have　stuck　me　in　a　nuthouse　somewhere；　any　where；　and　forgotten　about　me。　But

then　I　thought；　No！　I'm　his　kid。　He　wouldn't　do　that　…

would　he？

I　looked　around　at　everything　we　had　—　the　big　house；　the　white　carpet；　the　antiques　and

artwork　and　stuff　that　was　everywhere。　Would　they　have

given　up　all　the　stuff　to　make　my　life　more　pleasant？

I　doubted　it；　and　man；　I　doubted　it　big…time。　I'd　have　been　an　embarrassment。　Something　to

try　to　forget　about。　How　things　looked　had　always

been　a　biggie　to　my　parents。　Especially　to　my　dad。

Very　quietly　my　granddad　said；　“You　can't　dwell　on　what　might　have　been；　Bryce。”　Then；　like

he　could　read　my　mind；　he　added；　“And　it's　not　fair　to

condemn　him　for　something　he　hasn't　done。”

I　nodded　and　tried　to　get　a　grip；　but　I　wasn't　doing　a　very　good　job　of　it。　Then　he　said；